It so turns out
that I haven't been able to make friends. I come across as a human repellent! At
first it seemed really cool that I repel away people, but of late it seems to
be getting to me. I get stood up so often, and people meet me and throw excuses
at me for not meeting again! Is there something so hideous about me that repels
people away?
People who
mostly prove my case are my ‘class-mates’
from school. I always thought I was liked, but now it seems like I am loathed,
beyond my comprehension. Honestly, at least as my memory and analytics support
me, I have not wronged anyone to an extent for earning their hatred! In fact, I
have been supportive, with all my energy. I have even gone out of my way to ‘be
there’, and all I get is coldness. I have forgotten how it is to be loved. I have
lost my respect for friendship.
When it comes to
my work place, I am the glorious ‘outcast’. I am not a part of any
parties or gatherings. I am not even informed about award ceremonies within the
organization. I mostly lunch alone, or sometimes don’t eat at all, for the fear
of cruel loneliness striking me again! I am always a part of a LOT of ‘labour’ work, (however
sarcastic I am trying to be here!) but never a part of the culture. None of the
Gossips reach me. In short, I find myself quite
despicable, here too.
The irony of it
heats me up, when people say ‘Hey, listen, you would be in a better situation
(mentally) if you hung out, just that, you are not someone I would want to hang
out with’. What is this supposed to mean? Why are people so shallow? They are
giving that person an advice they do not want to entertain. If they despise
that person so much as to not want her company, they have no business in
offering her a hypocritical advice!
I just wish to meet
someone, who has the ‘balls’ to point out why they do not like my disposition,
or why I repel them away! Anyone want to speak up?
